Open Letter For Women

Yesterday, a friend shared an article with me.  An article about how Google wants more women and minorities in computer science.  How they are trying to get more diversity groups interested in Computer science through TV, and the media.  But Google couldn't be more off base.

This isn't a computer science problem, though, its more heavily prevalent in CS.  This is an issue in every field and every aspect of our lives.  But if Google wants to change CS, REALLY change CS they have to look at so much more than the media.  The media isn't the main problem.  Our society, our jobs, how women are treated, that's the problem.

Let me explain.  I am a 27 year old woman.   Yes, I'm a wife, and yes I have one perfect 3-year old baby girl.    I work full time, am in school full time (Getting my second degree in CS) and still manage to handle everything in my life.  None of this should matter, but unfortunately it does.  What deterred me from getting a CS degree wasn't the media.  It was how I was treated.  How I was treated as a girl.  A woman.  A co-worker.  

If you ask a young girl how CS is portrayed in the media, of course they are going to say a white male.  So yes, that is a problem.  But that didn't stop me when I was younger.  I was a CS major.  I spent so many years loving computers, actually since the age of 4 or 5, and I was born in 1990.  I went to college majoring IN CS.  You want to know what stopped me?  You want to know WHY I didn't continue, it wasn't being the only female in all of my classes.  I can handle the stares when i walked into class.  I could handle people not wanting me to sit next to them.  It was how they TREATED me after the fact.   Even if I had better ideas, better code, my ideas were inferior.  It was how I was sexualized  before I even reached my chair (BTW GOOGLE YOUR BLOG SITE DOESN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE SEXUALIZED AS A WORD).   As soon as you TEACH someone they are inferior, this never stops.

I have been sexually harassed in some way at every single job I have ever been in.   I have been treated as inferior in every job I have held.  In the majority of jobs I have had I have been touched inappropriately.  I was taught from a young age, I am only a source of pleasure, ridicule, etc. for other people, and nothing else.

As I was painting my stiletto nails bright red this evening I was reminded of all the sacrifices made by women and men before me (PS. the first computer scientists were actually women).  How women have so far to come, and how, my daily struggle is a real thing.  Yet at the same time, I see how my stupid bright pointy nails, will be portrayed by my male co-workers. How they will think I'm spoiled.  How I can't possibly write good code because I like my nails to be pretty (to me).  Or because my personality is naturally bright, bubbly and loud.  How I will feel the constant need to apologize because I'm writing a program that will not only save my company money, but save time, quality etc., but it disrupts some "status quo" by the males in my department.  How I urge documentation and organization but am largely ignored because, the few people who know how a program worked are males and they are fine with the answer "Well that is what changed." or "that is how we have done it."    How I over document my code, because I KNOW that is whats lacking and I don't want to contribute to the problem.  How I'm the only person I know constantly learning new things, constantly looking for ways to improve.  How I'm the only one willing to force business to focus on being exceptional, instead of sub-par, but "at least we got it out".    To not just "deal" with the problem, but to FIX the problems.

So yeah, maybe GOOGLE's culture is different.  But google only hires (According to a GOOGLE search) 300 to 600 new grads a year.   Google consists of 31% women.  Also, according to google there are ~ 61,000 employees that work full time.  Which means only 31 - 192 new graduates  are women that get hired into Google.  Say, of the 60,000 students that graduate per year have the same ratio.  On the HIGH end (highly unlikely.) that means there are 18,600 women each year in CS and 18,400 are entering a workforce that treats them as inferior, or sexualizes (also "not" a word) them.  Can you honestly EXPECT THEM TO STAY IN THE FIELD???

My daughter sees me working non-stop, and she grabs her 'computer' and says "I'm going to work on my hmwk too mommy."  I will teach her all I know, but I can GUARANTEE if she is touched, talked to, and treated like I have, there is NO WAY she'd want to continue, because, honestly, who would?   Because, every day is a struggle for me. How do I keep working, how do I keep proving myself.  When will I, as a woman, be enough to compete with my (even inferior) male counterparts (in any field)?  When will I be treated like I ACTUALLY deserve to be treated as an EQUAL (I'm not even asking for more).

Wake up Google.  Wake up.